Monday, February 26, 2007

Where did they come from?

Holland and Eden are SO different from each other, that it's hard to believe they both came from the same place. The only way I can believe that they are both mine, is that I can see parts of myself, and their daddy, in both of them. Just totally different parts!

Now, everyone says that Holland looks just like her daddy. And she does, especially in the eyes, which are her most distinguishing feature. I personally think, that except for her eyes, she looks a lot like me. Her hair is much lighter than Eden's, almost blond, and curly. She obviously gets that from me, even though I always thought John's hair genes would be dominant, and expected that my kids would have straight dark hair. Holland's delicate features, and body shape, are more like mine, but she has her daddy's taste in foods. She prefers salty to sweet, fruit and veggies to carbs, and would eat "chippys" over doughnuts or cookies any day. Her other favorite foods include chicken, macaroni and cheese, ham, carrots, green beans, ramen noodles, and pizza.

Eden's coloring and body shape are more like her daddy's. Her hair and eyes are dark chocolaty brown, and she has a long torso with no butt. Minus those exceptions, she looks just like my side of the family. John thinks that she looks like my dad, and I can see that too. I can also see a little of each of my sisters in her, but I don't really see much of myself. She definitely looks more like what I envisioned my children to look like.

Eden also eats like the women in my family. She prefers the sweets, doughnuts and cookies and ice cream and chocolate, to veggies and meats any day, although she is a big fan of hot dogs. The problem is that she doesn't eat enough of anything to gain weight with all of the calories she burns trying to get around. I'd like to believe that might be a good thing in her future, but I still wish she would eat more (she's actually had about 7 or 8 good days in a row, but I don't want to talk about it because I know I'll jinx it!).

Personality-wise, Holland is "the girl with the curl in the middle of her forehead." She is soooo sweet and affectionate and social when she is well rested and well fed. She can turn on you in a red hot second, and become a hellion when things are not going her way. Lately she has taken to walking around the house crying "saaad mama, Hanen saaad." She has also gotten really good at "Peeeease mama" when she really wants something. It makes it really hard to say no, and when you do she throws herself down and rolls around on the floor "nooooo, Hanen saaaad." I have visions of what she will be like as a teenager, and it isn't going to be pretty.

Eden is much more emotionally level, but she has a bigger mean streak. We get a lot more yelling, hitting, and screeching from her, than we do tears. She has to be really upset to cry real tears, but when they do come, it's a lot harder to stick to your guns because she is just SO pitiful. When Eden is really tired she gets either crazy silly, or totally zoned out, rather than whiny like her sis. She is also a lot easier to distract and pacify than Holland. Lower maintenance overall, I guess. At least when it comes to general mood, emotions, and personality. Much higher maintenance when it comes to feeding, and taking care of her physical needs.

They are such great kids. I really enjoy their personalities and getting to know them. I love seeing how they are similar to us, and to each other, in some ways, but so different in other ways. I love watching them grow to become independent little people.

I so hope that the world isn't going to be too hard on them. I hope they will learn to appreciate their lives, and are able to embrace the challenges ahead of them. I worry so much about the future. They have gone through SO MUCH to be here and to be alive today. They are totally worth it all to ME, and I would do it again in a second if MY fulfillment was what mattered. But, ultimately what matters is if it will be worth it to them. I hope it will be.


Anonymous said...

The love and joy that your kids reflect through pictures in a blog pretty much sum up that it will be worth it to them too. -E

Anonymous said...

Coldstone, here at Coldstone, we're a scooper dooper family:)

Anonymous said...

They are both beautiful and I love the pictures of them interacting and playing together.
Kelly in Canada

Anonymous said...

What a great post! It was fun to learn about Holland and Eden and who they take after! They are just so sweet! Knowing how much your girls are loved and cherished by so many makes everything worthwhile for them! They are amazing!

Anonymous said...

Wow - you're parting thought is something that has gone through my head so very many times, at various times of their lives; is it fair to ask them to keep fighting? will it be worth it to them? I know my (selfish) personal wishes, but what about theirs? What would they say if they had a choice?

And I guess that to ease my own worries, I fall back on some of what the other comments have said... them knowing how loved and cherished they are (by you) is what makes it worthwhile for them, and their expressions of love and joy demonstrate that they are experiencing those things. I only hope that we all can show our children how loved they are and how precious they are, and that our children will absorb and understand those messages of unconditional love throughout their development and conception of themselves.

(Beautiful pictures!)

Sarah Furlough said...

How could it not be worth it when they have you and John as parents? Your girls are beautiful, spunky and tenacious, and I think that will get them through many time (good and bad) in the future.

PS: Can I just tell you how much I love that Holland refers to herself as Hanen? Too cute!

Kathryn said...

Great post. So thoughtful. I am sure the girls do and will face difficult things and earlier than many kids. But I can tell you that the love they get consistently and joyously from their mama and dada will sustain them through it all and make them glad they are around to receive it. AND - they will have each other too - which is the great thing about having twins. At the end of the day they have so much and I don't think they will fail to notice. Your love for them will make all the difference.

Viscouse said...

I always wanted to do a monthly "likes/dislikes", "attitude", etc post to see hwo it changed over time.

Yes, teenageism will be very very interesting.

Anonymous said...


The girls look so happy. The answer to your question is in their smiles!!


Sarah said...

"Lately she has taken to walking around the house crying "saaad mama, Hanen saaad."

Haha! Our house, too. Sometimes she's telling the truth, other times she's playing. The solution to play-sad is a hug & kiss (because that's also the solution to real-sad). She'll tell me "Mama sad" and my job is to pout and look sad so that she can give me a kiss to cheer me up.

How can you lose at that game?

Kendra Lynn said...

Isn't it amazing how you can see so many physical family traits in your kids? God really did a great job when He made us. And your girls are total proof of that.

Love to you all.


Anonymous said...

Hi Billie, (sorry this is a long entry)

We don't know each other, but I just read through your entire journal this weekend and all I can say is "can I meet you sometime?" You are truly inspirational! I was just thinking, what could I do for Billie to thank her for sharing such an amazing journey and helping all of us understand disabilities better. Your post on Starbucks made me think, maybe I should write to starbucks HQ, then I did a search and found this (see below)...looks like someone beat me to the punch. But this is in DC, and you said you wanted to get accesibility in I am going to write a letter tonight and will let you know the response I get. Thank you for sharing your girls with us. They are gorgeous!!


Starbucks slow to ADAPT
The disability advocacy group known as ADAPT has gotten Starbuck’s Corporation to promise that one of their shops in downtown Washington D.C. will be renovated and thereby become accessible to people with disabilities. Additionally the folks at Starbuck’s corporate HQ are promising better disability awareness from the Starbuck’s universe.